When it comes to insomnia, I’m not just quitting, I’m giving up

You probably don’t have this problem. You’re probably like a guy I’m related closely to who falls asleep as soon as he sits down. Or maybe you’re like somebody I have known for about 29 years this August and “once you stop moving, you’re just done.” Yeah, you’re probably like those people and if you are, sometimes I hate you. Just kidding, after all I did quit Anger quite a while ago (which really hacks me off sometimes). Deep down though, a lot of the time I really want to be like you.

I want to go to bed and slowly, blissfully drift off to sleep. I want to know when I head to bed at my chosen time that I can count on the sleep I need. I’d like to experience both of these things, but I don’t. Instead I lay there and look at the ceiling, I try to go to some happy place, heck sometimes I even try “box breathing.” I try all these things, to no avail. I have insomnia.

Lately, for whatever reason and believe me I wish even a portion of the time I knew the reason, I can’t seem to get to sleep. I blame being out of practice due to my recent long stint away from work. I blame being focused on just getting sleep whenever I could at that time because when I slept was more a function of when I didn’t have pain than it was of when I was tired. I blame global warming, high fructose corn syrup, fracking and GMO’s! I’m telling you I’m looking for a scapegoat like nobody’s business and I just can’t find one. So I lay there and sleep doesn’t come even though I’ve tried to understand this thing called sleep.

I’ve done some research on the interwebs and read a book called “Sleep Smarter.” Unfortunately, based on my recent failures, I must not have gotten anything out of it. Maybe I’m not smart enough to go to sleep, but who knows? To be completely forthcoming, this isn’t a new thing for me, I’ve had trouble falling asleep for years. Like any chronic condition I’ve learned to live with it. I’ve learned to function on three or so hours of sleep one night about every three weeks. But this, this is different. This seems to want to hold on and persist night after night. I’d like to think that some higher power has something it wants me to do instead of sleep. Maybe it’s aliens from outside space. I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m done fighting it.

Today, this Thursday, I’m going to quit lying in bed more than 20 minutes if I can’t fall asleep. I don’t quite know what I’ll do once I get out of bed. Maybe I’ll write more, pithy blog posts like this one. Maybe I’ll take up macramé. Maybe I’ll teach myself how to flip houses, make millions from Facebook ads or launch an online course certain to make me a zillionaire in 13.7 weeks! What I know I won’t do is frustrate the crap out of myself, beating my fool head against the slumber wall only to get the same meager sleep I would probably get if I got up and organized my sock drawer.

Don’t laugh, I’ve considered it. And when I’m finished with mine I’m coming over to your house and do yours.

Nothing like ending a post with the ‘ol sock-drawer threat, huh? It’s amazing what sleep deprivation will bring out in a person. I hope you liked this goofy little resolution. If you think a friend of yours might like it too please share it with them.

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