Be Careful with a Cough

And other things I learned having a colonoscopy

*Fair warning: this might score a little high on the ‘eewww” scale.

The other day I had a colonoscopy. It was a wondrous affair, so much gaiety and dancing and laughter. But before you rush out to schedule one of these wonderful experiences allow me to impart some of the sage wisdom I was able to pick up along the way. Not the least of which is: be careful with a cough.

See, part of this process is a preparation called “cleansing” of your colon (I warned you). To do this requires you drinking a little over a gallon of what tastes like salted Lemon/Lime Gatorade. After two rounds of this marvelous elixir your lower regions lose almost all their, shall we say, “inhibitions”. They just really can’t quite help themselves and what they bring forth begins to look an awful lot like the original Gatorade you buy at the convenience store. (This should be fantastic for sales of the product) The downside for you is your backside is always open for business.

Care must be taken when coughing, sneezing, climbing stairs, bending over to put on your shoes and sometimes just relaxing a bit. My recommendation while in the throes of this process is to be in constant clench mode. Now, I’ve been to Mexico and I’ve (somehow) drank the water so I’ve been down this road before but let me tell you, dancing with Montezuma was a walk in the park compared to this. At times you’d have thought I swallowed a couple of dogs there was so much growling going on down there. Overall the discomfort was small however and in all honesty the procedure itself was painless and very quick. Not so quick though that I didn’t learn a little about myself in the prep and aftermath.

I learned I’m just not all that courageous. While I’ve never thought of myself as particularly brave I also didn’t consider myself fearful and that’s what I was laying there in the pre-op room. This was a minor procedure and the doctor and anesthetist walked me through the whole thing including what they would do and how things would go and they were true to their word. Still I was scared. I suppose a guy hates to admit fear under almost any circumstances but in addition to learning I was afraid I learned something else; I’m awfully fond of living.

I’ve been going through a rough patch lately with my depression and feeling pretty lousy and this little dose of fear may just very well have turned things for me. It’s a simple lesson, really. If you don’t appreciate something, just face the prospect of it being gone and you’ll hold onto it more tightly than you ever thought. The prospect of losing whatever it is makes having it more important than maybe you ever knew. It’s a good lesson and one I seem to learn over and over again.

So to recap: Gatorade in/Gatorade out, CLENCH (can’t overemphasize that enough) and Love your life. School’s out.

I don’t know that I get enough learnin’ out of everything I encounter in this old life but I think it ought to be a goal. This experience taught me some technical, practical and philosophical things as I think they all can. Feel free to share this wisdom as you see fit.

I blog every week about all kinds of stuff; not just embarrassing procedures. To read more go to my blog giffinlife. If you like what you read I hope you’ll subscribe for free. You can do that by clicking this or do it at the blog. Subscribing means you will receive an email with links to the week’s posts on Saturdays. I don’t sell or share emails so no need to worry about getting a bunch of spam.