Wasted Time

Sharp piano chords woke him.  Familiar, from a long time ago, the lyrics that followed cemented the music chronologically; eighth grade, lying on the floor of his basement next to his girlfriend,

“Well, baby, there you stand,

With your little head, down in your hands”

He hit the snooze to shut it down quickly and then turned the alarm off as he swung his legs over the side of the bed.

‘Lord, thank you for this day.  Bless everything that I will do in it and guide my thoughts and actions in the proper way, the way of your will, not mine.  In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.’

He groaned as he headed toward the bathroom to begin his morning routine.  The warm spray of the shower did little to energize him and shaving, although it usually made him feel clean and fresh, failed to wake him any further.  Minutes later he shuffled out of the house to his car and slumped into the front seat.

Traffic was manageable and he finished his prayers ruminating in his blessings.  This always gave him a feeling of calm and contentment; he wasn’t really sure why.  Perhaps it was because aside from these several minutes in his commute each day he never examined the level of luck he enjoyed.  Lucky wasn’t a term he would normally use to describe himself.  He knew people he considered lucky.

James in accounting truly seemed to love his job.  He attacked the complex financial analysis in their conference calls with the field with an undeniable zeal.  Beyond that, the guy had a beautiful wife even though James was truly middle-of- the-road when it came to looks and he had two young kids, one boy, one girl, who clearly took after their mother.  He tried not to compare himself to others.

He knew it was a path fraught with pitfalls, twists and turns that never came out good.  He’d been down it before in moments of admitted weakness.  Taking stock, accounting for where he was, where he stood in life could be a dangerous proposition.  He didn’t consider himself a malcontent but he surely could be.

He realized people often are their own harshest critics and he wasn’t any exception.  Sometimes the “yeah, but” and “could be” and “should be” filters he placed over all the areas of his life were completely unflattering and discouraging without a doubt.  Despite knowing all this he found himself in this train of thought today as he had on so many other occasions.  From a practical perspective it didn’t really matter.  His job, his responsibilities and his commitments didn’t much care what frame of mind he was in that day; they still demanded completion.  They still required fulfillment regardless of his feelings.

Bringing up his email inbox and seeing his reminders pop up onto his screen he could see his day would be busy.  Several phone conferences, some sticky follow-ups and a complex cost/benefit analyses that would most likely come down to a judgement call (the kind that if it went completely sideways might cost him his job) lay out before him.  He knew that once he waded into the fray and began the process he could expect to be consumed for easily all 8 of the hours the company required he give them on every given day.  He knew he was proficient at what he did; he knew he handled most things well and some things better than most.  He also knew that by the end of the day as he drove home he would struggle if asked what he’d done that day.  It had happened before in conversation with his wife and kids.  He couldn’t really tell them what he’d done and furthermore didn’t care too much that he couldn’t.

The song on the radio on as he headed home from work rewound his thoughts to nearly 10 hours previous as The Eagles lyrics caught his attention.

“I could have done so many things baby, if I could only stop my mind, from wondering what I left behind and from worrying about this wasted time.”

The rumination began again.  180 degrees out of phase from this morning.

Memories spurred by all sorts of things kick over that first domino in a series leading us to all sorts of places in our thoughts.  It’s the interconnected nature of all things in our lives that’s curious to ourselves even as we meander our way through it.  If you would like to read more from my blog about life you can head to the home page by clicking here.  If you like what you read I hope you”ll subscribe.  I offer a free subscription at this time and subscribing just means you will receive an email on Saturdays with links to the week’s posts.  Please don’t worry, I never sell or share emails so you won’t get a bunch of junk.  You can subscribe at the blog or by clicking this.