Fair warning: Rabbit hole ahead! 

I’ve found myself in a quandary the past few weeks as I considered what I should quit. I have a list of things, but which one should I pick? Something practical like quitting going to bed after midnight? Or maybe something spiritual like quitting disallowing God to have control of my life? Or how about something work related, like multi-tasking or wasting time at my day job? All of these are good and practical and things I should quit but which one’s the best? Which one is the one that most annoys me or which one would make me the happier person? So many questions and no answers, I’m afraid. It’s exhausting to be honest.

By nature I’m an introspective, introverted, romantic, emotional and analytical person. If you throw in a real love of efficiency and logic and a good helping of neurosis I think that paints a pretty accurate if not all that flattering picture of me. See, I don’t just want to make a decision; I want to make the best decision. I want to make the decision that will get me the most benefit, the most bang for my buck. I want to do the thing that is upmost in my mind and in my life right now and will have the biggest impact. And make me happy. Yeah, it has to make me happy. The hell of it is that I seem to have misplaced my crystal ball. (I know it’s around here somewhere, maybe in the basement storage)

Unfortunately I can’t tell which one of these things will have the best impact on my life. I can’t know for certain which one will be the hardest to do or be the most fun. The answer to a lot of my questions is ‘yes’ or ‘it depends’ or even ‘really, you’re trying to figure that out, c’mon!’. The bottom line is I don’t know. But I want to know and it drives me a little nutty. I suppose I’m looking for a sure thing and in looking for a sure thing (which if left to personal preference or opinion doesn’t exist) I’m left immobile. Paralyzed by my own analysis. So, that’s gotta stop or quite honestly I’ll never really get anything done.

So, this week, although I’m not sure what it will really look like, I’m going to quit worrying the crap out of my decisions. I’m going to pick a path or just make a choice and go with it and see where it takes me. I know though, I’ll have to be okay with things that don’t work. I’ll have to be all right when things go to hell in a hand basket and shit hits the fan. In short, I’ll have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and get right, with being wrong. For a guy that has a pretty big problem with giving himself grace that’s kind of an undertaking. (And already the sensors in my head are going off, ‘Danger, danger, difficult task ahead! F’ing sensors!) Somehow I’m going to have to get those removed.

It almost sounds like I’m going to have to quit being “me” a little bit doesn’t it? It sounds like I’m going to have to (gasp) change. I feel faint. But what’s the big deal? (The sensors again) I like me! Problem is, the guy in charge, some sort of boss, is saying, “I’m sorry Doug but we’re going to have to let you go. It’s really for the best in the organization.” I’m picturing something like the scene from “Office Space” where the Bobs are brought in as outside consultants to give people the axe. Thing is, I’m not sure what analytical me might do. His inclination is probably to get angry but he’d be prohibited from this because he already agreed to quit that (see Anger in this category). He might want to go out and tie one on but he can’t do that either (see Drinking) or binge watch something on Netflix (sorry, T.V.). Analytical me (A.M) isn’t maybe the brightest penny in the jar but he’s soon going to realize he’s out of vices! Holy crap, he can’t even take control of his situation (Control)! A.M has been on some sort of Action Plan for the past few months and he didn’t even realize it! A.M. is freaking out! But the rest of us here at the organization are calm.

We’re glad he’s gone. He made things so difficult for us. We tried to get along with A.M. but in the end he just bound us up. We tried to get things done but he always blocked us. He was always questioning everything we wanted to do. He’d want to form a committee and study the subject and ferret out all the possibilities and do a cost/benefit analysis and in the end if he did come back with a recommendation; lots of times we’d lost interest. The moment or the situation had passed and it didn’t make sense anymore or we just didn’t care. Sure, he kept us out of some scrapes but ultimately he kept us out of living and in the end the organization realized we’ve only got one of these lives. We’re not coming back when we get to the end. We believe we’re going somewhere but it’s not back here.

So, thanks for your service A.M. We’ll miss you, sometimes, probably. We’ll have to brush off our “Sorrys” for when we screw up. We’ll have to be okay with relying on someone else’s grace when we completely step in it. But we’ll be out there. We’ll be participating in so much more than we were when you were here. We wish you the best. Maybe you can catch on with someone else, maybe a nice data or numbers person. Know any accountants?

Holy crap did you follow all that? I feel a little like I’ve been doing “Ricky be Ricky” (loose reference to Ricky Henderson for you non-baseball types) for the last 800 or so words. If you were amused or confused, doesn’t really matter which, and think someone you know would be too, please share this with them. I hope it put a smile on your face.

Every Saturday, like clockwork (A.M. loved that); I send an email to my subscribers with links to the past week’s posts. Subscribing is free and you can do that by clicking here

If you didn’t follow any of the links in the post above you can go back to the home page where Quitting Thursdays (this category) is located and read them. Just click this.